It’s now the month of September and I am still feeling restless. My mind keeps on thinking about a lot of things.
My emotions are eating me whole. Stress and melancholy are feeding on what’s left of my sanity. Everyday feels like a constant challenge. I just want peace of mind but I ain’t getting it. I haven’t been confiding my feelings to anyone because even I do not fully understand myself.
The past few months have not been good. I loathed August because the whole month was tiring. Every damn day of that month, I felt like crap. Things went spiral and I could not keep up. I felt alone and I still feel alone. I don’t know. I’ve got people surrounding me but something isn’t right.
My heart is a bit torn from the battle it came from. It has not fully healed yet but I am mending it. My heart’s recovery is a bit far-fetched yet expediting it would be a great help if it were easy.
I wish I could just sleep the negative emotions away like a headache but I cannot. Funny that I should mention sleep because I haven’t really been getting enough of it lately. Sleep is an escape to others, it is rest for most of us but I’m being haunted by fucked up dreams.
There is no escape to my fears or my feelings. The only way to solve the puzzle I am in would be to overcome these crappy thoughts and emotions. And I am definitely working on them.
Love is crazy and you are insane.
Love and you both fit.
We are two lunatics who found each other unexpectedly. We were both not looking for love but it found a way to let us meet halfway.
I cannot say that this is forever but what I can declare is that I will fight for what we have. I cannot assume that this is infinite, but what I can do is my best to make us infinite.
- - 10/15/2013 ♥
I love you extraordinarily enough to read you every night, like my favorite book I want to read you, line after line, letter by letter, space by space. @jeloxxi
I found proof that my fiancé had been cheating on me for two years and waited to tell anyone or even confront him. I tell people I dumped him and I’m over it, but really, if he hadn’t left me, we’d still be together. I loved him far more than I should have.
(noun) 1. Although no longer in use, philology is the love of learning and literature. We vote that we bring back into vernacular ASAP! 2. The most popular definition today is the study of literary texts and of written records: the quest for their meaning and their authenticity.
1. The first week apart is always the worst. You’re used to seeing him everyday, and then he’s gone. It literally feels like your other half is missing and there is nothing you can do about it but wait. You’re going to feel unhappy, frustrated, and abandoned. You’re not going to want to get out of bed the next couple mornings. Don’t allow yourself to become extremely upset. It can be an arduous battle. Instead, go to the mall. Clean your room. Go for a walk. Keep yourself moving if you start to feel down. Do something to make yourself feel better. I promise you your boyfriend does not want you to be upset about the separation, so don’t be.
2. Try to think positive. I understand it’s hard, especially when you’re in a shitty situation. But, a LDR can be beneficial. You’re young and I believe this is the time to be apart from your significant other. Time alone can be a great thing. You’ll learn to become independent and to never rely on a man. It can also make you more motivated to work hard for a better future.
3. Keep yourself busy. Exercise, EAT, try a new hobby. Don’t wait around for text messages or the sound of skype to blast from your computer.
4. Have countdowns. Having something to look forward to makes the days go by faster.
5. It always works out. Don’t have an anxiety attack every time the day doesn’t go as planned. Don’t flip out when he doesn’t talk to you for hours. You will talk when it’s the right time. Would you rather have his full attention instead of 40%?
6. Be 100% clear on what you anticipate during your relationship. If you’re expecting constant communication or phone calls every night, make sure your boyfriend knows. If he has no idea that you wanted to skype later, the chances of it happening are unlikely. You’re only setting yourself up for a disappointment and an argument. He is a guy, so remember he is most likely NOT a mind reader.
7. Don’t take anything he does personally. He probably did mean to skype you, but his hangout with his friends lasted longer than scheduled. He didn’t mean to ignore your texts, he just got carried away playing halo.
8. Realize you’re in a relationship, not a Nicholas Sparks’ movie. Fights, disappointments, breakdowns, THEY WILL HAPPEN. I know you’re not expecting your boyfriend to, but he WILL do things that’ll hurt you. It WILL feel like the end of the world, even though I promise it’s not. You WILL feel unappreciated. Tiny “you piss me off fights” WILL occur. It’s normal in ANY relationship. If it’s not a big deal, let it go. Big fights are terrible, especially when they involve lying. You DO NOT deserve to be lied to. It messes with your head and you don’t know if you can trust your boyfriend again. You ARE going to sit down on your floor and cry because you’ve never experienced such pain before. The feelings you’re experiencing would happen whether you’re 5 miles away from him or 50,000 miles. Lying is lying and it’s never easy to deal with. You have to think, do I want to work through this or is it break up worthy? If you choose to break up, then that’s okay. You have the right to leave an unhealthy relationship. If you decide to stay, it’s going to be hard to regain the trust that was broken. You’re going to want closure. Your boyfriend has to be willing to work with you. If he’s not trying, then you shouldn’t be trying either.
9. Control your emotions. I know this is hard, especially for hormonal females, but everyone is in full control of their emotions. You are going to feel sad once in awhile. That’s okay. It’s expected. But, constantly being any type of negative emotion has to stop. It’s not healthy for you or your relationship. Think of it this way: would you rather want to talk to someone who is happy or talk to someone who is angry constantly?
10. The female you’re jealous of probably is just a friend.
11. If he didn’t want to date you, he wouldn’t be.
12. Do not try to control him. I know you have his best interest at heart, but he doesn’t need another parent in his life. You’re going to worry and that’s okay, it’s normal. You’re head over heels in love and you just want the best for him. If you fight with your boyfriend every time he does something that upsets you, he will start to hide it. I strongly suggest trying not to control him simply because it does more damage to your relationship than good.
13. The truth does come out eventually and nothing is as bad as it seems.
14. Your relationship is 100% worth it if you’re both trying hard to make it work.
15. Not having to shave your legs often is awesome.”